i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
