The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
