I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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