I think I am morally bankrupt
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
