please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
