i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
