"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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