I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
