Is it normal to miss your booty call?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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