just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
