idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
