reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
