Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
zippers are such a cool invention
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
