how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
