I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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