your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
COCAINE IS GR8
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
