We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize