Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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