I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
