I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize