I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
