The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
