Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
