He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
