I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to make out with him forever
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
