when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
