im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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