john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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