gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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