I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
