It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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