You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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