What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
