Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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