Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
