You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
