A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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