Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
