The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
