she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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