I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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