a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
