Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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