hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
