You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There r osticjed everywhere
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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