Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
