watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
