i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
