no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
