She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
