It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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