Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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