I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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