i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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