ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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