Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
