I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
