I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
