Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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