Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
