Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
