Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
