So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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