I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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