is your mom at the bar?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
false alarm. still invincible.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
