i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
