I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
