I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
