We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
