and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
