my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
