Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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